Luck & Bad Days

So, today was not a great day. Ended up having to pull dates for the dairy most of the day because it wasn't getting done. Sometimes I feel like I go 3 steps forward & 20 steps back. And lately at work it seems all back & no forward.

What do you do though? I just keep remembering that I have a greater purpose in life than doing the crap I do now. Hopefully soon I'll start school & be able to achieve that greater purpose in life. And days like today make me miss Bob even more. I just need to see his face & cry on his shoulder cause I had a bad day. When he was here I could always do that and he was always there to help me through it. But now to me I feel like he has more important things to worry about than my bad days.

Don't get me wrong, it's not like he ignores me, but I feel like since he's gone I shouldn't bother him with such petty things because he has an important mission to do that his head needs to be in the right place all the time.

What can I say except that Bob is my rock? And now my rock is in Texas instead of right next to me, so now I have sand or mud next to me & I feel like I am sinking sometimes. I haven't sunk all the way to crying yet like last time, but I do know it sits in the back of my mind.

When am I going to lose it, when am I going to be the basket case? When are the kids going to break? When am I gonna say I can't do this anymore, I am not as strong as everyone thinks I am. I keep waiting for the day, but it never comes so I keep my head above water and wait for the life preserver, but then it never comes.

Then I find out that the last time I could see him before Afghanistan comes, I can't go because it is inventory at work. Now what does that figure? Just my luck. And then I have the day I had and it makes hard not to say "Take this job and shove it." But I need it for my sanity at the moment, whatever sanity that might be.